Image: Channel 4 Press
By Jon Donnis
Channel 4 has just announced its latest attempt at "groundbreaking" coverage for the 2024 US presidential election, which promises to be nothing short of a surrealist fever dream. Touted as America Decides: US Election Results, the network is boasting an international lineup of presenters and guests, giving the impression that this is more a gathering of the global elite's oddballs than any serious political analysis. Produced by the ever-reliable (read: questionably credible) ITN Productions, the eight-hour live spectacle is set to air in partnership with, of all networks, CNN – because one propagandist media outlet clearly wasn't enough.
The Dream Team? Or Just a Nightmare?
The extravaganza will be fronted by Channel 4 News anchor Krishnan Guru-Murthy, who will try his best to hide his glee under the guise of neutrality, while British podcaster Emily Maitlis joins him in Washington, D.C. Yes, nothing screams "in touch with American voters" like a pair of British journalists parachuting in for the event. But wait, it gets better. Jeremy Vine will make his Channel 4 election debut as some kind of infographics wizard from London. Yes, that's right – London. Because when Americans want incisive election night analysis, they absolutely turn to a man halfway across the Atlantic furiously pointing at a screen of colorful charts.
And how could we forget Matt Frei? He's Channel 4's "authoritative voice" on all things America because, as everyone knows, one documentary about Donald Trump totally qualifies you as the oracle of U.S. politics. Frei will be reporting live from the swing states, which means more riveting commentary like, "Well, we don't really know who's winning, but it sure is close!" Genius stuff.
The "Expert" Guests: A Who's Who of...What?
Now let's dive into the glorious guest list, which reads like a rogue's gallery of people you'd never expect to be in the same room, let alone discussing American democracy.
Leading the charge is Stormy Daniels, the adult film star whose sole claim to political relevance is that she allegedly had an affair with Donald Trump. Nothing screams "election integrity" like getting commentary from a woman famous for her contributions to, ahem, another type of video production. She'll be joined by Michael Cohen, Trump's former lawyer, who's famous for dishing out hush money. Because what's better than having two people embroiled in legal scandals from years ago analyze the most important election in the world?
But it doesn't stop there. Channel 4 has graciously invited Boris Johnson, and Malcolm Turnbull, the former Prime Minister of Australia, to offer their "insights" on American politics.
Jeremy Vine will be gracing the screens with his "data hub," where he'll try to explain why battleground states matter using flashy graphics that no one understands. But fear not, he'll have help from some more guests: Caitlyn Jenner, former Olympian and now media personality who apparently speaks for the Republican party these days, and James Carville, the man who coined the timeless phrase "it's the economy, stupid!" – and hasn't done much since. Brian Cox, yes, the actor from Succession, is also joining, because if anyone knows about presidential elections, it's someone who plays a media mogul on TV.
The Far-Left Echo Chamber
Let's not forget Channel 4's long-standing history of masquerading as an objective news network while peddling narratives that skew so far left they're almost in a different galaxy. It's the same network that doubled its viewership during the UK's 2024 general election coverage by throwing in as much anti-Conservative rhetoric as possible, hidden under a thin veil of faux impartiality. Expect a night full of thinly veiled jabs at Republicans, with CNN's John King and his "Magic Wall" serving as a visual metaphor for the network's magical ability to manipulate data to fit their narrative.
Speaking of CNN – partnering with the most trusted name in "Fake News" is an inspired move. With both networks having a track record of bias, viewers can look forward to eight hours of infotainment where both sides of the political spectrum will be "represented" by a rotating cast of coastal elites who haven't been within a hundred miles of a swing state in their lives.
But Don't Worry, You Can Stream It on TikTok!
For those who don't own a TV, or prefer to consume their election coverage in the form of 15-second video clips sandwiched between dance challenges, Channel 4's coverage will be streamed live on YouTube and TikTok. Because if there's anything the youth of today need, it's the chance to watch Boris Johnson's hair fly around while Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen debate the finer points of democracy, all in bite-sized portions they can scroll past.
Conclusion: A Farce Wrapped in Flashy Graphics
In typical Channel 4 fashion, what could have been an informative look at one of the most pivotal elections of our time will devolve into a circus of mismatched personalities, irrelevant commentary, and, of course, the usual dose of left-leaning propaganda. The fact that they're calling this "groundbreaking" is the real punchline. If you're looking for genuine insight on the night that America decides, you'd be better off flipping a coin. Or better yet, just turning off the TV entirely.
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