“I was almost as dead as a doornail,” said the thing. “Nothing else about your life’s story will make any sense without future generations knowing that!” He was right. I was a homeless man who lost his job as a social worker during the greatest depression the world had ever seen. It was surely the worst of times. The creature was frozen in ice for over two hundred years. Life became unbearable for most humans during this time. The creature wore a gray metallic space suit. His yellow eyes always stuck out in my mind. He came many years ago in his ship and had to be frozen to stay alive. The other creatures from his home planet Norne were scavengers like him. They had to freeze themselves whenever they needed to adjust to a new planet’s atmosphere. Norne’s inhabitants always relied on the kindness of other life forms to get them out of the ice. They were an immoral race in every way but one. They needed to repay the life debt to whoever rescued them from the terrible ice. The creatures could not be trusted for anything but in this they were completely trustworthy!

“What’s your name?”
“Howard Dickens.”
“Well, Howard Dickens. This is going to be the greatest Christmas you’ve ever had!”

“I just want food and shelter.” It was true. I once had a comfortable middle class American lifestyle. I worked with the poor and down trodden in my social work. The whole idea was just to make sure that they were getting their government assistance, food stamps, healthcare and reasonable housing. When the economic collapse occurred, everything changed. The government collapsed and poverty and crime were running rampant! This was the great depression of 2011. Life today was a nightmare struggle for daily survival.
“I think we can do better than that!”
“What can you do to help me and others in need?” I asked.
“Help others in need?”
“Yes.”

The creature was about eight or nine feet tall. He was pale white with a gigantic head and big green eyes. He had a crazed look on his face and his head was larger than the rest of his body. His brain must have been big. The thing smiled at me with his tiny, red mouth.
“You’re the one who dug me up and out of the ice. What do you want me to do just for you?”

“I would like to meet the president; he could help us all if he really knew how bad things were.”

“Listen, Howard. I’m not a freaking genie. I don’t grant wishes. There is no flying saucer and no one wants to be taken to your leader. I can’t explain anymore. It’s easer if you come on board my ship. It will take you where you need to go.”

“Okay. What’s your ship called?”
“It’s called a bughum. Hop right in!”
I went inside the thing’s ship and it was pretty small. There was a remote control panel with one big switch in the middle of it.”
“Where are you from”
“Howard, that isn’t important. What matters is what I can do for you. What day is it?”
“Why, it’s Christmas day!”
“Let’s go back to Christmas Eve ten years ago.”
“Okay.”

I saw myself a decade ago. The creature told me that we could witness all these evens without the people of the past being aware of our presence. It was amazing. There I was a young salesman, going door to door selling insurance. I worked for an unethical company (are there any other kind?) back then. Sometimes I would try to talk people who couldn’t afford it into purchasing our life insurance. The plan didn’t cover all that much but I used my sales skills to exaggerate its virtues. We were at the home that changed my life one fateful night on Christmas Eve.

“Who’s the kid with the crutch?” asked the thing.
“That’s Liam Hawks. His parents and five siblings call him by a different name.”
“Let me guess,” said the creature.
“Little Liam,” I said.

The thing watched my expression as I told the parents that I couldn’t sell them my lousy insurance. It was right there and then I swore I would quit business and perform social work. I even said that my family and I would do everything we could to help Liam with his various diseases.

“Did the little brat die anyway?”
“Yes but the whole point was that…..”
“It changed your life and made you love social justice.”
“Yes. If you’re from another planet, how can you speak English?”
“Shut up, Howard. This ain’t the time. Hop back in!”

So we traveled even further back in time to when I was a child. I saw myself opening up my model train sets and my toy racing cars. My loving parents smiled and laughed as I joyously opened up my gifts. Christmas morning was very special. The excited look on my face was delightful to behold to my mom and dad. My brother also got just about whatever he wanted for Christmas as well. Amazing stuff the past. I was so glad to enjoy those precious memories of holidays long gone by again.

“Why are you so happy?”
“My parents are so glad that I was happy that it fills my heart with joy!”
“No!”
“What do you mean?”

“You’re happy because you’re getting what you want for Christmas. That’s the only thing that makes human beings happy. This sentimental nonsense you’re discussing is an afterthought.”

“No. You’re not human so you don’t understand.”
“Wrong. You are human so you should understand!”

This creature whose life I saved seemed to be a bit on the cynical side. I could tell he didn’t have whole lot good thoughts about the human race. Humanity was selfish and uncaring in his mind. Come to think of it, he was pretty selfish and uncaring himself. The thing was selfish and mean as far as I could tell. His only redeeming quality seemed to be that he wanted to reward me for saving his life from the ice.
“How did you end up frozen in the ice for all that time?”
“That’s not important right now. We have to go back even further in time than before. Hop on in the bughum again!”

This time we went all the way back to my father’s childhood Christmas. It was his boyhood home in the rough working class neighborhood in New York where he grew up. His father was a factory worker who did not make near the amount of money my dad did as a stock broker. It was strange to see my dad, his two brothers and his two sisters as children. There wasn’t much there in terms of toys. Everyone got a candy cane and some used clothes. No toys at all! There was still such thankfulness on their faces. My father Campbell Jr. was the first to open the presents since he was the youngest. The eight year old boy opened up the box and saw that he had received socks.

“Thanks mom and dad. Merry Christmas,” said young Campbell.
“You’re welcome, honey,” said my grandma.
“Let’s all open up,” said my grandfather.
“Thank you!” said both of his brothers.

“Love you mom and dad!” the youngest sister blurted out.
“This is turning into the best Christmas ever!” said my grandfather.
I was overjoyed at watching the humility and true Christmas spirit of my family. It made me feel very proud of them and a little guilty at all the good things I had growing up. The thing could read my mind.
“That’s your problem,” it said.
“What?”
“You feel guilty when you should have asked your dad and mom to get you more.”
“No.”
“Yes!”

“It’s a sin to want more.”
“No. The sin is not getting what you want in life! Believe me, your dad and his family were fools. They should have told him to get a second job and get us more presents!”
“That’s unthinkable.”
“No. Unthinkable is going through life not obtaining all those delightful little materialistic goodies that make you temporarily happy. That’s the crime.”

“Speaking of crimes, a second job wouldn’t have gotten my dad’s family that many more Christmas presents.”
“Then they should have told him to go and rob a bank. I’ll bet the other kids made fun of them for being so poor.”
“I don’t think so. The whole neighborhood was pretty much poor at that time.”
“I think your dad should have picked a better family.”
“He loved his family.”

“Well, now. I guess your dad’s an idiot!”
“Hold on now! Don’t ever say anything bad about my family! I thought the point of this whole time trip was to help me.”
“It is. The point is to help me and help you. Nobody else is getting any help here.”

“I can’t just receive your help while there are others in need.”
“That’s your problem. You need to learn more about the nature of this nasty little universe we live in.”
“We need to fight injustice and make things right for everyone.”
“Hop on in the bughum again!”
“Fine.”

The trip was much longer this time. It seemed to take forever. The thing was pressing some buttons I never noticed before. The ride inside the oval shaped ship was very bumpy.
“Are we there yet?”
“Howard, you’ll be the second to know when we arrive at our destination.”

I had done my share of helping people recover from the effects of drugs during my career in social work. Although I had never taken hallucinatory drugs, I think I was beginning to understand what the effects might be like. Trails of light and strange shapes were surrounding me. My hands looked like they had glowing red beams of light following close behind there every movement. I started to laugh and then I felt a strange panic.
“Don’t start trippin out on me, Howard.”
“I’ve never felt these effects before.”

The walls of the ship seemed to be moving in and out like the ship was alive. I heard a breathing sound like the interior of the bughum was gasping for its next breath. Everywhere there were little stars dancing around in strange circles. I heard a thousand different voices like I was in some coliseum instead of being in such a small space.
“Relax. Howard, we’re here.”
“Thank God.”

The door to our ship opened up slowly and I got to see what appeared to be another world.
“Where are we?”
“My home planet Norne.”

The thing’s planet was frozen tundra with a few creatures like him lurking around and about. They looked like they were struggling to survive. Hunger and desperation seemed to thrive here. The most disturbing image was the little creatures that looked like they were begging for food.

“Are they all starving?”
“Yes.”

The thing pointed out some of his fellow creatures who were using a machine to keep them permanently frozen.
“Will they stay frozen?” I asked.
“Until they are put into the larger ships and taken off to other planets.”
“This place is awful.”
“Welcome to my world.”
“Why show me all this?”
“To make a point.”
“I still don’t understand why you are doing this.”
“I know.”
“Please don’t show me anymore.”

“Sorry, Howard, you’re getting much more. You see you saved my life from that dreaded ice. My kind always repays a debt like that. We’re going places, friend.”

I knew that this bizarre Christmas trip was far from over. The thing was going to take me places. It was obvious that they would probably be places I did not wish to go. The nightmare was not over yet. He looked at me and smiled again.
“It’s time to go. Buckle up for your own time. Think of me as the spirit of today’s Christmas.”
“You mean Christmas present.”
“Whatever. Get ready for another trip, Earthling.”
“Oh boy!”

Low and behold, it was my old client Jim Noworth. He was starving and sleeping on the sidewalk.
“Why show me this?”
“You have pity on this man. Don’t you?”
“I do.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“He’s starving.”
“No. He’s a lazy bum.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll prove it to you. Quickly, get back inside the bughum.”
“Okay.”

This time the trip was real short. About two seconds and we were back a year ago. A short trip doesn’t mean there haven’t been significant changes! I recognized the fat and happy Americans of the old days. There were jobs for everyone and a thriving economy! What a difference a year can make!

“There’s your boy.”
“Jim?”
“Yes. He’s one lazy homosapien!”
“He’s in line to get unemployment.”
Jim was in line to collect and was speaking softly to the woman at the front desk.
“So you couldn’t find suitable employment?” she asked him.
“No. I tried but there was no available work.”
“Here you go. Come back in three months.”
“Thanks.”

I watched in horror as Jim walked away towards the liquor store. He bought five bottles of vodka. Then he walked across the street to the drug store. The dirt bag bought over a hundred bucks worth of lottery tickets. Then he started to walk home towards his apartment.
“That no good lazy bastard!” I screamed.
“Now you’re starting to open your eyes, Howard.”
“I know what you’re doing but I still have faith in the innate goodness of mankind.”
“I’ve got my work cut out for me, human.”
“Do you know how many hours we spent looking for acceptable employment for him?”
“Many hours of hard work, Howard.”
“Yes.”
“Did he ever accept any of the job offers?”
“No.”
“How do you know?”

“You just showed me. That was last year. He was taken off my caseload because he was about to get off the system.”
“Now you know the truth. A lazy drunkard who loves to gamble takes his unemployment check home on Christmas eve.”
“You’re right. He takes all those goodies home to his government taxpayer paid apartment. It’s a disgrace.”
“Social services are the real disgrace, human.”
“No.”


“If I need to show you more, I will. You see what has resulted from all of you bleeding hearts trying to help this man. He’s taken advantage of the system over and over again. You should all be ashamed for being such enablers of this kind of behavior.”
“What would happen to an individual like this on your world?”
“Do you really to know?”
“I do.”

“We use them for spare parts. The organs are sold to the highest bidder. That way they are of some use. Productive members of my alien society often have stressful conditions on their bodies. The lazy die to preserve the best and brightest among us.”

“Oh my God!”
“What is it, Howard?”
“I’m sorry that I asked.”
“Well, I knew you would be.”
“This is terrible. Like a nightmare. I feel like I’m in an unusually scary episode of the…..”
“ The Twilight Zone.”
“Yes. I forgot that you could read my mind.”
“I can and I know what you’re thinking right now.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You’re holding on to false hopes again. You think just because there are a few lazy clients that don’t make most of them bad.”
“Yes. That’s what I’m thinking.”

“If you like I can show you most of the people that you people have tried to help. If you like, I can show you what they’re really like.”
“No. Please don’t.”
“Very well.”
“I can still read your thoughts, human.”
“Come on. Please let me have that,” I said.
“No. You’re co-workers, supervisors and colleagues are all rotten to the core as well.”
“I see.”
“No but you will.”

So the thing put it all out there for me. We traveled in time both the future and the past. He showed me the pitiful display that is the people in my chosen profession. Angry divorced women who secretly hate men entering their precious female dominated field. There was more. More then I wanted to see and it was all bad! The board of directors and CEO of my social services network were firing people on Christmas. Much more and it was bad.

My co-workers were talking bad about me behind my back. They were wondering when I was going to get divorced. I told them I was a widower and had no future plans for marriage. One of the angry social workers was secretly documenting every little mistake I made. Trying to get me fired all the time. She was jealous because she heard that I had better vacations then she did.

“You see now,” said the thing. He was laughing hysterically. “I thought that you people were there to do well for the common good of humanity. Instead, there is more petty, vicious greed than you would find on Wall Street. The phoniness is almost unbearable even to me. That’s odd because I have no respect for your race whatsoever. These people are a disgrace. No wonder no one could help anyone else. All they cared about was themselves.”

“Alright, you showed me some terrible people. I can still remember the good souls who worked and labored to help the handicapped, the mentally ill and the homeless!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely!”
“I think your mind is remembering past events the way that your philosophy of life would like them to be.’
“What?”
“You have put false memories in your head to justify the stupid and naïve way that you think.”
“Oh.”
“Let’s go back in time again for a healthy example of this phenomenon.”
“Fine. I’ll prove you wrong.”
“Your track record on being right sucks. Let’s go.”

It was Christmas even fifteen years ago. I was working in a group home for mentally ill teenagers. My only co-worker was Sharon Goodwin. She was devoutly religious and worked very hard for the poor and down trodden. I watched her read Christmas stories to the poor kids and make them hot chocolate. Later that evening, she took them to church and then went caroling around the entire neighborhood. She had family but they were in a different state. There was also the factor that she was unmarried and could work virtually any shift. She was always free except for Sundays of course. It was delightful to watch her and see how much the kids loved her and truly enjoyed her company and the time spent together.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” I asked the thing.
“Nothing.”
“My point exactly.”
“Nothing that isn’t wrong with the rest of human kind.”
“Okay.”
“There will be more to see, Howard.”
“I hope so.”

“You do?”
“Indeed, I do. This seems like a wasted trip for you to make your point.”
“It isn’t.”
“Prove it.”
“No problem, human.”

The monster showed me more scenes from the past. Sharon could not hold a job in any other field. She was a complete and total failure except for social work. That didn’t convince me that she was bad. Everybody has some kind of failure in their life. I always knew I was stupid when it came to math and science. That didn’t mean I couldn’t help disadvantaged people find work during bad economic times. It certainly didn’t mean that I couldn’t be there for homeless people who needed to find the warmth of a shelter or the security of a full time job. I didn’t see what the hell the thing was trying to pull here. We were good people. Sharon and I are good. We have always been there for others and have done some pretty impressive social work.

“I can read your thoughts, human.”
“So.”
“So please stop flattering yourself.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I beg to differ. You were and it’s nauseating when you do!”
“Damn you to the hell, you outer space freak!”

“Hey,” the thing laughed again. “Let’s not say anything we might regret later. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings here, Howard. You and I have a very prosperous relationship established in the future!”
“We do?”
“You bet!”
“Maybe I am a self-righteous ass. I don’t know. There is still a big part of me that doesn’t believe that to be true. Anyway, you bastard if anyone on this wretched planet is a good person, it’s Sharon.”
“Oh, my poor…Howard.”
“What?’

“Please allow me to show you the whole ugly truth!”
Unfortunately, the thing did show me the whole and entire ugly matter right before my very naïve eyes. Sharon was seen with us right in front of her, unable to make our existence known, arguing with her mother. It was indeed a pitiful and horrendous sight to behold. Her mom was calling her names and it was not a pleasant situation.
“Why can’t you hold a job?”

“I will hold a job when it’s God’s will.”
“God doesn’t seem to care much about you,” said her angry mother.
“Yes, he does. God loves all of us.”
“Then tell him to find you a job you won’t lose in a damn week!”
“Mother, please don’t be blasphemous!”
“I’m just telling you the ugly truth, girl.”
“No. You’re trying to get me to backslide right back into a wicked life.”
“No!”
“No? I think you’re trying to bring me down, mom.”
“No.”
“What do you mean?”

“I’m sick of this damned nonsense! You were nothing but a little whore on drugs a year ago. Now I have to listen to all this crap about how you are redeemed and going straight to heaven. I’m so sick of this crap. You’re a whore and a loser. Stop deluding yourself with nonsense. Accept that you’re a promiscuous loser.”

“Mother, that’s a terrible thing to say to your daughter.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Someday when I’m a mother I will encourage righteousness with my children and not cut them down with hurtful words like you!”
“La de freaking da!”
“Fine.”
“Stop this silliness and bring in some money, girl!”
“Mother, I have a job interview with social services tomorrow.”
“Great. That should bring in a lot of money.”
“Mom, I want a career helping others.”
“Business should be your field, girl. You need to make money. I wish you were a prostitute before I’ll see you making next to nothing at the taxpayer’s expense.”
“What a dreadful thing to say.”
“No, my dear. I want you to make enough money that you won’t have to live here and you can make it on your own.”
“I will.”
“Sharon, that’s not what I’m hearing.”
“Mom, I’m moving out of state. I’m going to Pennsylvania tomorrow.”
“For a social services job?”
“Yes.”
“I liked you better when you were a whore.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Better a whore than a fool.”
“It’s the lord’s work. Mom.”
“No, dear…it’s a fool’s work.”
“I’ll miss you, mother.”
“Please don’t go, I feel like you’re making a mistake.”

This time I had to speak up a bit. How could this be considered a terrible scene? The mother just revealed her true feelings for her beloved daughter. Granted, she’s one insulting bitch but still there was some love. I can’t imagine living with my mom right now. I would literally rather be homeless. I never told my parents how bad off that I was. Still, Sharon was my age. I thought living off your mother when you were in your early forties was tragic. I guess I thought things would improve and I could keep relying on that homeless shelter.
“Stick around, kid.” The thing smiled at me. “It gets better!”
“Sorry. I have to go now.”

“Don’t come crawling back to me when you fail. You’re nothing but a loser. Stupid loser you are. You’ll always be a stupid, pathetic fool.”
I was beginning to understand the thing’s point of view. The only reason that she wanted to keep her daughter around was to pay bills. She never really loved her daughter. There was definite overt resentment there.

“It gets even worse,” he displayed a wicked smile. “Much worse than this little episode. Please come with me and see for yourself.”
It was worse. Much worse just as the thing has promised me. In the future Sharon was a prostitute. She couldn’t make any money in social services. I saw her prostituting herself for money. So much for her love of God and living the devout life, I thought.

“It gets even better,” said the thing.
“Please show me no more,” I said.
“Sorry. I can’t allow you to miss the best part of this show,” said the creature.

Sharon wasn’t just selling her body for the dope that she was now addicted to. No. She was sharing her money with her pimp. Who was her pimp? Who gave her all the dope and had her degrading her body and destroying her soul every night? Her mother was her pimp.

“See,” he laughed out loud. “I told you it was going to get much better.”
“Don’t you mean worse?”
“Sorry, dear boy. I meant worse, of course I did!”
“Where do we go next?”
“Everywhere.”

“What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry. I meant everyone.”
“That makes no sense.”
“No, Howard. What makes no sense is that your spirit is broken yet.”
“That’s what this is all about. Breaking my spirit?”
“Yes. Once I do that you will be ready for your glorious rebirth.”
“I think I’m ready. You shattered my image of who I thought was the best person that I ever met.”

“Sorry. You don’t get off that easy. I’m going to give you my powers temporarily and you can learn the secret thoughts and motives of every human on this awful planet. You’ll be exhausted afterwards but I think this will finally break you. You’ll have no faith left in your fellow man.”
“Please don’t do this. I need to think that there is good in the world and that some people are good.”
“I’m truly sorry, Howard. Humans can be useful but they are not by nature good. Let’s get this over with.”

The horror was indescribable. I don’t think mere words could possibly do justice to reading the thoughts of everyone on the planet. Even one hour almost killed me. The thing had a wicked sense of humor so he allowed me to pick the time and place for the mind reading. I’m a sentimental fool or at least I used to be one. So I picked Christmas Eve to read the thoughts of humanity. Most of the world wasn’t thinking about the holiday.

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Those humans were thinking about how to get revenge against their enemies or other horrors. Some of those horrors include watching their own children starve to death or how to escape genocide. Then the people who were the haves rather than the have nots had other thoughts. How can I maximize profit? It’s a good time to lay off some workers after the holidays. Then everything got worse or better from the thing’s point of view. Murderers, pedophiles, rapist and cutthroats were thinking about how they were above the law. Season of joy! Husbands and wives were thinking about how they could cheat and not get caught.

Season of peace! Corporate greed and the malice of young people and their social cliques were also part of this blessed season. All of this and much more did I see. This still didn’t break my spirit or heart. It took one more thing to do that. I read the mind of all our political leaders in all parties. This still wasn’t quite enough to do the trick. I read the mind of the president of the United States. Then it was done deal!
“Now you know the real President Chapman Bishop,” said the thing.


“I do. How long have I been out?”
“Three days.”
“I missed Christmas then?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Oh no!”
“I don’t understand.”
“You see it can be Christmas anytime you want it to be. Let’s go change the past and the future together, Howard.”
“Humanity is worthless,” I said.
“No. That’s not my lesson here. Do you believe in evolution?”
“Yes.”

“Good. Survival of the fittest is the key to our new partnership. You were once a lowly social worker. Now you can be born again into something amazing and powerful. All we have to do is go back in time and make the right choices.”
“The hell with that kid,” I said.
“Yes. What was his name?”
“Little Liam,” I said.

“I choose business and profit and making my needs the center of my life.”
“Yes!”
“Make it happen.”
“We’re going back in time and then to the white house. We’re going to pay President Bishop a little visit.”
“Let’s do it,” I said.

The president was in a state of panic and horror. He looked at the thing with awe and disgust. I asked him if he had ever seen a space alien before and he said that he had not. The thing told him how it was going to be from now on.

“You’re going to be more of a figurehead from this point on,” said the thing. “Do you understand?”

“I do. Whatever you want I will do,” said the terrified President Bishop.
“Good. See my new friend and I are going to be the real leaders of the world right now.”
“Okay,” said the president.

“You see he knows what humans are all about now. I gave him that gift. My people are going to come here so they can purchase humans for price. Humans have some good use for us.”
“My God, “said President Bishop. “You’re going to use them for food!”
“Why the hell does everyone think that?”
“Well,” said the president.
“Never mind, I think I know. You’ve watched too many Rod Serling episodes!”
“Okay,” said President Bishop.

“We don’t want to eat you! All we want is to use the more shall we say down trodden in your countries for spare parts. The genetic makeup of my kind with yours is more similar than you might think!”
“Whatever you want,” said President Bishop.

“Excellent,” said the thing. “You see this guy Howard saved my life and in our alien culture I owe him a great position of power. The fact is that when my kind gives it’s word, we mean it. We have integrity and a lust for power. You have a timid nature and a whole lot of sphere parts we want.”

“I see. You can have whatever you want,” said President Bishop.
“Well, in that case I say we all have a toast,” said the creature. “Let’s drink some egg nog to the new world order and all. What do you want to say, Howard?”
“Merry Christmas and happy new year,” I said.
“Indeed,” said the president.
“Merry Christmas and we look forward to eating you,” said the thing.
“What!” I screamed.
“Just kidding,” he said.